The Faith of a Heretic

If you work at that which is before you, following right reason seriously, vigorously, calmly, without allowing anything else to distract you, but keeping your divine part pure, as if you were bound to give it back immediately; if you hold to this, expecting nothing, but satisfied to live now according to nature, speaking heroic truth in every word which you utter, you will live happy. And there is no man able to prevent this.

Or is it your reputation that’s bothering you? But look at how soon we’re all forgotten. The abyss of endless time that swallows it all. The emptiness of those applauding hands. The people who praise us; how capricious they are, how arbitrary. And the tiny region it takes place. The whole earth a point in space - and most of it uninhabited.

The wise will start each day with the thought…

Fortune gives us nothing which we can really own.

Nothing, whether public or private, is stable; the destines of men, no less than those of cities, are in a whirl.

Whatever structure has been reared by a long sequence of years, at the cost of great toil and through the great kindness of the gods, is scattered and dispersed in a single day. No, he who has said ‘a day’ has granted too long a postponement to swift misfortune; an hour, an instant of time, suffices for the overthrow of empires.

How often have cities in Asia, how often in Achaia, been laid low by a single shock of earthquake? How many towns in Syria, how many in Macedonia, have been swallowed up? How often has this kind of devastation laid Cyprus in ruins?

We live in the middle of things which have all been destined to die.

Mortal have you been born, to mortals have you given birth.

Reckon on everything, expect everything.

Epicurus says: Make no mistake, a key component of attacking an argument is to undermine the credibility of the source of said argument. That, however, is not what I am doing here. I am actually trying to understand where Cato is coming from.

Epicurus says: I would not argue against the fact that, in many area’s of this country, public education is a mess. I wouldn’t argue that our Social Welfare system is, in many respects, broken. I would even argue that our current government is a disaster and that if we don’t force them to start dealing with some very serious problems, we are going to have our hands full during the next 3 decades. What I am arguing is that this is nothing new. Crisis come and

Epicurus says: So, instead of sitting around talking about how “Social Collapse” makes one “want to leave this country” then I say, do something or STFU or GTFO. Want to talk solutions and action - I am all for that, but don’t waste my time with idiotic rehashed commentary about the state of the world.

Epicurus says: Especially when you are barely out of your fucking teens and haven’t seen or experienced jack, fucking, shit.

Amafinius says: I agree on that last point

Cato says: you can’t accomplish much by yourself; an important patriotic duty is to rise the spirits of the people

Epicurus says: Cato - that is not what you were doing.

Epicurus says: You were making the standard gloom and doom proclamations.

Cato says: i just think its always important to look to higher ideals in a republic, which is why i said if you take the character of the founders and compare it to the “men” in office now, its clear to see how much progress we have made

Cato says: the government has taken away freedoms rather than expanded the freedoms of the people

Epicurus says: My friend, our founding fathers were people who were grossly flawed.

Cato says: all humans can be weak, most people have vices, some of the founders had flaws, but the quality of their character was far greater

Cato says: and how can anyone say they are proud to be Americans under these latter day fools?

Cato says: it is critical for the people in a republic to realize corruption and destroy it

Cato says: or… hand over the government to monarchs who will do much better

Epicurus says: Every generation has a few great leaders. That our country was founded by them was the only way that our republic would have come to be. But, lost in time are the numerous lousy politico’s of the 19th and 20th century. Sure, we remember the great ones, like FDR or Lincoln, but those come along fairly infrequently. The good news, is they often rise to the occasion and, were in fact, fairly poorly thought-of prior to tackling a big problem.

Epicurus says: I think the problem is you are looking at 8 years (a big part of your fairly short life) under one of the WORST presidents in history.

Cato says: anyway, this is all related to the original point of underage girls being a common sight in bars - the problem here is a lack of a “public body”

Epicurus says: No, the problem is parents not fucking taking responsibility for their kids.

Cato says: Yes, they don’t have public accountability; there is this notion that the family is not the business of the public

Epicurus says: It is NOT my job or the Governments job to look after these kids. It IS however my job, when the time comes, to look after MY kids.

Cato says: “its not your business” “Raise your own kids” common lines

Cato says: it is not the government’s job to raise children, perhaps, but it should be responsible in creating public accountability for actions

Cato says: the problem is that there is a disconnect between public life and private life - this cannot be in a republic or the country collapses

Cato says: there are other government structures where the people can send their children to underage bars, in which case, a tyrant will organize their lives for them, it is much more effective that way

Cato says: but in a culture where the people must steer the government, if the people are without willpower or virtue, then the government collapses - i.e. post-”crisis of the 3rd century” rome

Epicurus says: Cato - Not only is it a REQUIREMENT that there be a disconnect between private and personal life, any attempt to break down such barriers is the VERY source of these problem. Parents who have been raised in an era of government intervention.

Epicurus says: Infact, such separations are clearly spelled out in the Constitution and Bill of Rights.

Cato says: what im saying is, parents dont feel that they should be held accountable to the community for raising their children, but they should

Cato says: their personal conduct, in their eyes, is their own business

Cato says: very well, if a tyrant rules, not well if you vote

Cato says: a culture of idiots and degenerates cannot vote wisely, and a country that cannot vote wisely cannot be healthy

Cato says: options are to: restore republican culture, abandon republican culture and adopt an aristocracy

Epicurus says: You are charged, by the state, for being responsible for your child’s welfare until the age of 18. It’s already LAW. CLEARLY THE PROBLEM is with parents lack of responsibility - something that GOVERNMENT and the PUBLIC at large is NOT going to directly fix.

Cato says: I’m not talking about buying them food and clothes

Cato says: I’m talking about raising them to be good people

Cato says: because if the people are not good, in a republic, then the republic as a whole is rotten

Epicurus says: Cato - IT IS NOT THE GOVERNMENTS JOB or the PUBLIC’s JOB to raise kids. This whole liberal bullshit “Takes a Village to Raise a Child” is absolute nonsense. This is a matter of YOU and ME making a decision to be responsible adults and raise our children accordingly.

Cato says: well… historically it did take a community to raise a child, only in contemporary times have people decided that the education of children is a private matter

Cato says: and the result is clear to see, a culture which is dysfunctional

Cato says: education should be a process including public mentors, parents, moral leaders, peer role models and government ideals

Cato says: if the parents are the only ones with input, and if they have discretion to neglect their children, the children become dysfunctional, and they will elect dysfunctional representatives

Epicurus says: Oh my god

Cato says: this is the heart of why it is necessary to have virtuous individuals in a republic, because over time the representatives degenerate

Epicurus says: You would cede control of your kids’ core-education to the government. That to me is just disgraceful.

Cato says: not exactly

Cato says: you have this notion of government as being this isolated body of people which is not related to the community

Epicurus says: No, I don’t.

Cato says: but what if the “government” were just people who you thought were wise?

Epicurus says: Oh my god.

Cato says: i don’t think it’s a matter of control either, or ownership…

Epicurus says: Listen, government, by in large, throughout history, exists to propogate itself under the guise of serving the population. It is one of the core ideals, that the founders of this nation largely shared, that government at best is a necessary evil and at worst intolerable (and that it was usually only tolerable at the most local levels).

Epicurus says: The notion that “wise” people become leaders is absolutely rediculous.

Cato says: they dont, which is the problem

Epicurus says: Only RARELY does that occur.

Cato says: exactly

Epicurus says: Yes, and you want to cede control or even a portion of control of your childs destiny to this body?

Epicurus says: Come on!

Cato says: no, I want to dismiss them and replace them with wise, indifferent guardians

Cato says: like the ones who originally were in their seats

Amafinius says: Haha!

Epicurus says: Raise your kids. Don’t expect the government to do it. Don’t expect anyone else to make it right. JUST BE A RESPONSIBLE ADULT.

Amafinius says: “wise, indifferent guardians”

Cato says: Epicurus - that makes the most sense, but in reality most contemporary Americans do not

Cato says: so what is your response to that - let the community suffer?

Epicurus says: Actually, most do. It’s only a minority that doesn’t.

Cato says: would you object to children joining the boy scouts?

Epicurus says: Unfortunately, being a spastic, sound bite obsessed culture; we only focus on those who don’t.

Cato says: I am not advocating government control; I am advocating a re-envisioning of education to involve a heavy emphasis on community involvement and the appreciation of civic virtue

Cato says: because I believe that a proper education is the farthest thing away from ill-tempered knowledge

Cato says: it is rather wisdom, and virtue guiding knowledge

Cato says: knowledge is a tool, wisdom is the vehicle, virtue is the blood of life

Cato says: basically… practically speaking…

Cato says: it would mean much more programs like the boy scouts

Cato says: and teachers who are involved with the education of the character rather than simply the mind, teaching children how to become heroic individuals

Epicurus says: Look, the Boy Scouts (who again, I don’t support) is something you sign your kids up for. You made a decision as a parent. That shit is not advertised or promoted in publicly funded schools (and where it is, it shouldn’t be).

Arrian says: Epicurus

Epicurus says: School is about education. Morals, ethics, education regarding virtues, etc., that starts at home.

Arrian says: were you in the boy scouts?

Epicurus says: no

Arrian says: why do you not like the boy scouts

Epicurus says: I was a cub scout when I was like 7 or something… does that count?

Epicurus says: Arrian - no, I don’t like them because of the politics of their organization. But, hey, if my kids said they really wanted to go for the scouts, I would probably let them.

Cato says: you send your children to school to learn the science of physics, but there is also a science of virtue

Cato says: it’s a sublime science, but learning how to live well is not arbitrary, it is a quest, and requires serious thought, parents are not qualified to teach a love of wisdom just as they are not qualified to teach physics

Epicurus says: No Cato - you are crossing a line when you start using public schools to fund notions of virtue, ethics and morals.

Epicurus says: Not fund, I mean teach

Cato says: Some beliefs are examined, others are not, the goal of a proper education would be to examine beliefs, and to inspire children to quest for goodness

Lucretius says: “goodness”

Lucretius says: what kind of bullshit is going on here?

Cato says: a teacher of philosophy, for example, is just as important as a teacher of physics

Epicurus says: What do you define as goodness?

Epicurus says: Whose philosophy?

Cato says: All ideas and thoughts are to be considered, goodness must be judged by the individual soul, firmly grounded in civic values

Epicurus says: Oh my god, dude, you are not living in the real world.

Amafinius says: heh….book lernin’

Lucretius says: his last statement speaks to something else too

Cato says: I think to a certain degree, that children should be challenged to think about their underlying assumptions and come to their own conclusions, but that the teacher should not be far removed from the debate, as is the case now, the teacher should advocate their own maxims

Epicurus says: You have now brought religion into the classroom in broad strokes. Good going.

Epicurus says: Remind me to NOT vote for you.

Last night I called an ambulance after I became suspicious of a tachycardia and corresponding chest pains, my hope was to have a paramedic come and say either a. “you are dying and need to come to the hospital” or b. “you are fine and need to go to sleep.” Instead of these elegant solutions I was strapped to a gurney (even though I was perfectly fine and jumped up into the ambulance), put on an oxygen machine and wheeled through the (mostly) empty ER. Arriving at the processing room the attending doctor looked past me and spoke directly to the paramedics, asking about my symptoms in a disinterested, apathetic, resentful tone. The paramedics gave a poor, 2nd person, confusing account of my symptoms, I had “mild A” (mild angina) wrote on a bracelet which was then taped to my wrist and I was wheeled into a curtained off area. After having some smalltalk with a biker who was in for a case of road-rash I was informed that he waited 11 hours before being attended to. Foreshadowing y’all. Time: 4 AM.

A nurse, unable to convey to me what was going on, and without saying more than a few broken words of English, then attached vital sign sensors to me. Now the fun part: laying in the hospital bed for 5 hours. I realized that after about an hour that the vital sign sensors began to malfunction - the machine began to periodically report asystole (flatline) followed by loud chirping noises. These malfunctions did not inspire any of the many passing doctors or nurses to skip a beat, and not a single head was turned as i looked on in disbelief. I decided that an experiment was in order. I removed the heart rate finger sensor from my hand and waited. Within a few seconds the monitors began to flash and beep loudly, patient in room 19 of the ER was now in full cardiac failure and was flatline. For 25 minutes my heart had 0 electrical activity, and yet this did not inspire any nurses who were passing by to stop and notice. It made me wonder what the entire point of the monitoring was for - since if I really had a heart problem, I would have really died. After 25 minutes of death I slipped the sensor back on as the beeping had become too annoying. I knew then that I was in safe hands.

By 9 AM (by then, the few people who had been in the ER at 4 AM had been long gone and I was laying alone as the ER began to fill with new recruits) another indifferent doctor strolled up and after not listening to me decided that full blood work and x-rays were necessary before allowing my discharge. Medical blackmail - if I leave on my own free will the insurance pays for nothing, if I leave when the doctor decides that I am medically fit, I am covered. With great consternation I relented to the tests and after being bombarded with x-rays and bled into a vial I resumed the bed laying. The doctor assured me that all of the tests would be done by 10:30 AM the latest and I would be on my merry way after I expressed that I had an urgent appointment upcoming. 3 hours later the doctor returned and reported that all the tests turned out fine but that “[I] might have a gallbladder issue” and that I should see a doctor urgently. No, she didn’t provide a rationale on why I might have a gallbladder issue, and I don’t see how anything wrong with the gallbladder would cause heart attack symptoms, but hey, i’m sure she was as reliable and as highly trained as the nurses who ignored a flatline patient for 25 minutes. I wouldn’t be surprised if the doctor didn’t even look at the vital stats. I managed to get out of the ER by 2:00 PM (10 hours after admission with a total of 5 minutes of “face time” with a doctor).

A day later, as I write this, I am still experiencing a disconcerting tachycardia and dull chest pains - which seems to come on after I eat anything or drink anything other than water and lasts for hours (presumably the time spent digesting). I was prescribed pepcid but haven’t processed it yet, as I doubt it will make a difference; I was given the drug while still in the hospital and it had no effect on my condition. A google of “tachycardia after eating” will bring up forum thread upon forum thread of people with identical conditions - people who are in much better condition than I am, of normal weight for example, who have been unable to resolve their affliction. Although the blood work, chest x-ray and EKG supposedly showed no problems I am still experiencing worrying symptoms. I think that returning to a strict vegan lifestyle and hitting the heavy bag once more will stabilize the situation, as well as avoiding “trigger” foods; citrus and fatty foods seem to acerbate the condition.

Time will tell, and as always, I am terrified of being afflicted by a disease, being rendered a mental vegetable and being kept alive in defiance of reason. This is another plea, among others, to see to the destruction of my body pending the death or major impairment of my cognitive abilities. If I am stable and unable to object to you destroying me, or if I am unconscious and it has been determined that my brain is dead, I wish to be destroyed. Again, this request relies on the willpower and good conscience of those left in my wake - and I just hope that someone has the courage to do what is right rather than allow me to be disgraced as Nietzsche was.

Laying in that stretcher turned hospital bed for hours and seeing so many instances of malpractice in one visit made me think of the many clips of Fox News propaganda of “expert” pundits sensationally decrying the dangers of “socialized medicine,” virtually screaming at the viewer about how people were forced to wait hours before being helped, dying in the emergency room or being denied a critical test due to lack of materials, under such systems. I think these “experts” must have misread “US healthcare” as “socialized medicine” on the teleprompter.

Set sail, against the wind,

under the misguiding light of faulty beacons

We live in a time in which those vested authority are not those who must properly wield it.

Credentials bestowed by self-honored institutions amount to nothing but certificates of pretension which do not qualify the entitled but rather label the entitled as qualified.

Those who are charged with cultivating the minds of the children…

What is required: a degree, formal wear

What should be required: heroic virtue which inspires

Result: A mediocre education producing mediocre citizens, wracked with fears, superstitions and indecisions, who practice the vices and lack a sober frame of reference on the world, and as a result do not have the inclination nor the ability to judge wisely. Fools elect charming pimps.

Those who are charged with guarding the citizens from harm…

What is required: A strong body, token training

What should be required: A lifelong of training in prudence, magnanimity, temperance, justice and fortitude

Result: Guardians who systematically abuse their power and betray the people by covering their own intrigues and corruptions, who serve themselves rather than a greater ideal of justice, who exercise bias in their judgments and cruelty in force. Men who serve the highest bidder rather than the lawful authority; men whose allegiance and duty is owed to plunder.

1  A time there was when disorder ruled
Human lives, which were then, like lives of beasts,
Enslaved to force; nor was there then reward
For the good, nor for the wicked punishment.
5  Next, it seems to me, humans established laws
For punishment, that justice might rule
Over the tribe of mortals, and wanton injury be subdued;
And whosoever did wrong was penalized.
Next, as the laws held [mortals] back from deeds
10 Of open violence. but still such deeds
Were done in secret,–then, I think,
Some shrewd man first, a man in judgment wise,
Found for mortals the fear of gods,
Thereby to frighten the wicked should they
15 Even act or speak or scheme in secret.
Hence it was that he introduced the divine
Telling how the divinity enjoys endless life,
Hears and sees, and takes thought
And attends to things, and his nature is divine,
20 So that everything which mortals say is heard
And everything done is visible.
Even if you plan in silence some evil deed
It will not be hidden from the gods: for discernment
Lies in them. So, speaking words like these,
25 The sweetest teaching did he introduce,
Concealing truth under untrue speech.
The place he spoke of as the gods’ abode
Was that by which he might awe humans most,–
The place from which, he knew, terrors came to mortals
30 And things advantageous in their wearisome life–
The revolving heaven above, in which dwell
The lightnings, and awesome claps
Of thunder, and the starry face of heaven,
Beautiful and intricate by that wise craftsman Time,–
35 From which, too, the meteor’s glowing mass speeds
And wet thunderstorm pours forth upon the earth.
Such were the fears with which he surrounded mortals,
And to the divinity he gave a fitting home,
By this his speech, and in a fitting place,
40 And [thus] extinguished lawlessness by laws.

Max Payne

The past is a gaping hole. You try to run from it, but the more you run, the deeper, more terrible it grows behind you, its edges yawning at your heels. Your only chance is to turn around and face it. But it’s like looking down into the grave of your love, or kissing the mouth of a gun, a bullet trembling in its dark nest, ready to blow your head off.

There are no choices. Nothing but a straight line. The illusion comes afterwards, when you ask ‘Why me?’ and ‘What if?’. When you look back and see the branches, like a pruned bonsai tree, or forked lightning. If you had done something differently, it wouldn’t be you. It would be someone else looking back, asking a different set of questions.

Your past has a way of sneaking up on you. You’ll hear broken echoes of it everywhere, like a bad replay. You’ll get mad at everyone for reminding you about it, even if it’s all in your head.

Saetia

I am the horizon.
I have dreamed of tracing rings around this world.
My arms are stretched to forever.
My fingers shake with the fear of control.
The fear I know you all know so well.
We all lay claim to our destinies.
Yet we all rise and fall with the current.

Someone who dedicates mental energy to looking pretty reveals something not about his appearance but about his inner mind, his inclinations, his social priorities and his duties (or lack thereof). I’m sure the decadent, makeup plastered and pretty have meaning, but it can never transcend the ultimate truth that nothing material matters; it vanishes in an instant, it is smoke, nothing. The “celebrities” of today will be nothing but smoke tomorrow, to be replaced by others who will turn to dust in turn. A better man does not concern himself with the way things are but how they should be, and realizes that his individual survival (or that of his clothes) means nothing in the scheme of things; it is only great projects and ideas which survive us.

• Auctoritas — “Spiritual Authority” — The sense of one’s social standing, built up through experience, Pietas, and Industria.
• Comitas — “Humour” — Ease of manner, courtesy, openness, and friendliness.
• Clementia — “Mercy” — Mildness and gentleness.
• Dignitas — “Dignity” — A sense of self-worth, personal pride.
• Firmitas — “Tenacity” — Strength of mind, the ability to stick to one’s purpose.
• Frugalitas — “Frugalness” — Economy and simplicity of style, without being miserly.
• Gravitas — “Gravity” — A sense of the importance of the matter at hand, responsibility and earnestness.
• Honestas — “Respectability” — The image that one presents as a respectable member of society.
• Humanitas — “Humanity” — Refinement, civilization, learning, and being cultured.
• Industria — “Industriousness” — Hard work.
• Pietas — “Dutifulness” — More than religious piety; a respect for the natural order socially, politically, and religiously. Includes the ideas of patriotism and devotion to others.
• Prudentia — “Prudence” — Foresight, wisdom, and personal discretion.
• Salubritas — “Wholesomeness” — Health and cleanliness.
• Severitas — “Sternness” — Gravity, self-control.
• Veritas — “Truthfulness” — Honesty in dealing with others.